I can still remember how as a kid I was asked to think a lot, think before I speak, think before I take up a task, think enough to score well, think about my career, think about what I eat, etc, etc. The fact is I am/was not alone. Right from the moment we are born we are conditioned to think; it’s an obligation to the most important tool we are born with: the brain/mind. ‘I think therefore I am’ is a formula everyone lives by and unfortunately falls to. We live in an age where if we don’t think enough, we develop an inferiority complex that we are lagging behind in the race.

Thinking is not bad. The fact is we can’t survive without it. The very fact that I am able to pen this article down (not literally; I am typing) is because I am able to think. There are three questions:

a) How much should one think? It’s different for all of us but there are alarming similarities in the urban population. The chronic problem is we think too much. There are apparently more than a thousand thoughts that strike our mind in less than a minute. And we can think of quite a few things from food to travel to the noise outside on the road.

In my opinion, one should be measurable in his/her thinking. Now that’s a very difficult task. Yogis attain controlled thinking, or as they say, the highest state of consciousness, after years of dedicated practice. So, how can we, the urban parasites, do that when we are perennially distracted and get swayed with emotions as easy as the grain of sand would with a slight movement of air.

It’s simple. We need practice too. For example, a simple reminder every morning the moment we wake up, that we will control our thoughts today, can make some difference. Another technique, even if sounds funny, is to put hourly reminders on your phone throughout the day with a simple message ‘Control your mind.’ It will irritate you first but you will be amazed by the results that come your way.

Most importantly, we should not aim to be a yogi. Keep it real. You will get one with a negative emotion at times. Let it be. But be aware that you are getting one. You would still be angry/sad/annoyed but you would have seen that first light (albeit dim) of consciousness. With practice, we will be able to be still when angry, peaceful when depressed, joyful when disappointed. As Buddha said, Nothing is Permanent. So are the difficult moments of life.

Measured thinking will come with practice. To begin with, every little effort is taking us towards a big change.

b) When should one think? That’s another problem. We can’t stop thinking most times. When we are at work and doing a task, we will think about hundreds of other things. When we are driving home from work, in a drive of 30 minutes we would have encountered hundreds of thousands irrelevant thoughts of past and future. It’s hard for us to meditate on the task at hand. Yes, I said, ‘meditate’ because that word does justice to our single-mindedness or mindfulness. Let me also put this way, there may be quite a few things that totally absorb you. For a dancer, his dance is meditation. For a singer, his dance is meditation. For a writer, his writing is meditation. For an artist, his painting is meditation. For all of us, orgasm is meditation too, when we totally channelize our energy to one single point.

Mindfulness of the task in hand is meditation. That means being in a state of mindfulness (or even mindlessness). These are the times when thinking is not required. Often, thoughts that strike us while we are carrying out tasks that we are programmed to do (like driving, having a bath, having food) are of past or future and unpleasant. Now replace these activities such as driving a car to driving an aircraft for the first time; having a bath to stepping into pool for the first time; having food by hand to using chopsticks for the first time. We can’t think of anything else, because these new tasks need our attention and focus. Then as we gain expertise, our brain starts multitasking because it finds some space. That’s when we create room for thoughts – which could be stressful.

Mindfulness of the task at hand is the only way to avoid thinking when it is not required. Zen monks are aware of every movement that they make, right from feeling their toes touch the ground at every step! Be Alert – that was the ultimate message of the Buddha.

Would meditation help us? Yes, only if done mindfully! My advise is to start with guided meditation, so that you train your mind before you take it upon yourself. You can download free guided meditations from Apple itunes. There are many useful ones. Email me if you need any. I would only be happy to help.

c) What should one think about? It has a simple one line answer. Think positive. Eliminate negative thoughts.
What’s positive? All thoughts that evoke happiness, joy, excitement, compassion, peace, relaxation are positive. On the other hand, all thoughts that evoke anxiety, sadness, annoyance, irritation, anger are negative.

Secondly, we need to know what we are thinking about is actually under our control? For example, you may think of a past event that evokes anger in you. That’s an irrelevant thought beyond our control. Eliminate it immediately without causing a conflict inside you. Tell yourself, it is past, it has already happened, I need to forgive the event, person and myself. Let it rest in peace. Release the agony of that even in one forceful exhale, if you want.

Don’t think about future. Like a good entrepreneur, who writes a business plan and gets back to execution, just write down your future objectives, and focus on the present because that’s all you have. Living in the now is the best way to get rid of the tyranny of thoughts.

In the end, we have to realize that thoughts are totally in our control. We are the command centre for all thoughts that further define the emotional state of our being.

I have always maintained that selfishness is not a vice if you understand what it means. Selfishness certainly does not mean harming someone else to create a win for yourself. That’s called ‘cheating’ or ‘manipulation’. Selfishness is committing an act for your own benefit independent of the external people and factors. If it harms someone that may be a by-product of the act but not intentional or foreseen. The truth is that without being selfish you cannot achieve anything, yes, anything. For example, a candidate who makes it to a top B-School has edged out another worthy candidate. Has he harmed him? No. Should the candidate feel sad that there is another person who lost out because he made it? No. Without being selfish, you cannot even cure your fever, you cannot remain healthy, you cannot achieve success, earn money or even have a peaceful life.

Self before everyone else is a virtue in every way possible. You are the one and only one responsible for your own happiness and health. Yes, only you. Not your family, friends or partner. And I totally disagree those who blame others for their sickness, sadness or pitiful state. They perhaps don’t understand that only they are responsible for their own miseries. Moreover, they don’t realize that only they can heal themselves. No messiah is going to leap from a temple and miraculously cure them. If there’s god, it’s within you.

Such attitude is also understandable. Most of us are afraid to take our own responsibility. We are afraid of being without support. I remember I had a friend who used to pester me to accompany him for a run in the morning. I always used to go in the evenings. He would always insist that I accompany him in the morning. When I asked him why can’t he go alone like I do in the evening or come with me in the evening, he argued that he can’t go alone, and since I don’t go with him he is gaining weight. Unbelievable, but true. He was afraid to go alone and run, he wanted a moral and emotional support. To add to that, he wanted to blame for his weight gain. Till today, he doesn’t go for a run because he has some excuse or the other.

By taking responsibility of our own actions, we change ourselves for good. Traveling within is the first step towards a positive change. What do others have to do with our behaviour? Nothing. By constantly reminding ourselves that only we are responsible for our actions and state, we can understand how selfishness can come good for us.

I have come across a lot of people who make comment on others like ‘he only thinks about himself and his own good?’ the truth is that more often than not they’ll say it because they did not get any attention from that specific person. Why would that person owe attention to them! He would not have done any wrong to them, but they will say that because they have mental sickness. The selfish person is happy and healthy. He is living a fundamentally optimum and karmic life. He does not have any ill feeling for anyone, and he is not doing anything to harm them. A common example is a girlfriend nagging a boyfriend that he doesn’t find time for her. That makes him selfish because he puts his work before her, or worse his evening swim before her. What’s wrong with that? Has he harmed her or her expectations or need for attention has harmed her? If he works, he is ambitious, if he swims then he is maintaining good health. He needs a holistic life. He is selfish for his own good.

We live in a world where we are judges. A perfectly selfish person is not someone who would see a dying man die. He would help him just as much as any one else would. But every situation in life is not a matter of life and death, which we tend to make of it.

If you want to live perfectly, take care of yourself first. Once I read somewhere, ‘the best way to help a poor is not being one’. Is that selfishness? If we all take care and responsibility of ourselves, there won’t be any sickness in the world. And if we are healthy and happy, we will only end up spreading that around us.

Living for yourself is necessary and we need to do that. That does not mean harming others at all. If you live for yourself in the purest manner, you will automatically be helping others. The purest souls live for themselves by helping others when they only live for themselves. Confused? People like Mother Teresa, who gave up material pleasures, found pleasure only in serving humanity. She was serving humanity because she found pleasure in that. That humans were benefitting from it was an affect.