On the menu, Off the kitchen: What can be annoying for many is when they select something to eat after great brainstorming, only to realize that that particular food is not available in the restaurant. And when that happens with the core food item, it can severely damage the reputation of a restaurant. For example, once I ran into a Cafe Coffee Day (on Delhi-Jaipur Highway) and their coffee machine was not working.

Staff is Invisible: It’s happened to even the most discerning of us. You are either in the middle of a meal or have just got seated in a restaurant, and you can’t spot any staff. Though it is a difficult task, top restaurants take special care to ensure staff visibility. One of my worst personal experiences was at Hinglish, where we got seated in a shack outside, and had to go out every time to locate someone from the staff.

In a hurry to clear the table: This is perhaps understandable, but still unacceptable when there is a long waiting outside the restaurant. I personally find it quite rude when the staff member hovers around your table, almost applying pressure on you to finish your meal so that the plates can be taken away and bill be brought. From my experience, Saravana Bhavan in Connaught Place tops the chart in this department. My sister lost half her meal when a staff member in a hurry took away her plate in order to vacate the table.

Too much Upselling: Let me cite another example here. Almost two years back I was at Lazeez Affaire in Rajouri Garden, and asked a staff member to get me a large Teacher’s. To my surprise, his reply (which was in Hindi) was, “Sir, please try a good Single Malt. You’d like it.” I almost lost my cool. I know businesses want to make more money but so directly, and in hospitality! Also, it came out in such a manner that I was being mocked at having an inferior taste (and perhaps shallow pocket). At that moment, I held my anger and simply asked the staff member to get me what was told.

Do as not directed: This is also common, only because I guess the customer service levels have dropped. You ask them to get a plain roti and they’ll put oil on that. You ask them to get a sweet fresh lime and they get salted. Sometimes, you ask for a vegetarian sandwich and you get a non vegetarian.

Mindless seating: It applies only to a fine dining restaurant, those that charge well, market well and employ good staff, but in greed to make more, kill whatever little privacy you can enjoy in a restaurant. It is usually more sorry for a couple of people who always get the rough end of the deal.

While enough has been said and argued upon Tendulkar’s nomination in the sacred Rajya Sabha, Aamir Khan is a new oldie on the block to stir the nation’s emotions. And, boy, he has done it rather well! I missed the morning show yesterday (my sleep got better of me). Later when I logged on to Twitter, I could not miss Kiran Bedi and Kabi Bedi and a slew of other celebs praising Aamir as if he just found the Holy Grail. Unlike many others, I am not a big fan of Mr Perfectionist. I think that’s a public image. There would be many who would work or more hard as Aamir Khan. Having said that, the promos of Satyamev Jayate did intrigue me. When I saw continuous flow of praise on Twitter, I was more intrigued to catch the show.

Fortunately, later into the night, I did get a 15-minute glimpse of the show. But that was it! Somehow, I did not want to watch it more. Why? May be, because, it was unsettling in nature to see a woman with a battered face. In my defence, I am not an urbanite who has lived all his life in a cocoon, unaware of such or even worse happenings in the rural hinterland of India. I have had my share of conversations with people from various backgrounds and religions. So, it was not surprising; it was unsettling. Of course, it does bother you when the story is well-packaged and well-presented by a mainstream Bollywood actor.

Honestly, I am cynical about the show. I don’t want to be judgemental before I see more of Satyamev Jayate, until the show reveals it entire character. The first episode made Aamir appear in an Oprah Winfrey avatar, with a tell-all emotional tales that sell well in the prime time. I am not mocking Oprah Winfrey Show; I think the lady does a stupendous job – and the show has never disturbed me. The Oprah Winfrey show has exposed the ugly underlining of our society in a way that it draws more soulful empathy than tear jerks.

Secondly, I don’t know the inspiration behind Aamir Khan. About 6 months back, Aamir Khan was there with Anna Hazare on dais. Was it coincidental to see him share a stage just a few months before a show based on national sentiment? Even on the show, Aamir Khan was misty-eyed with raised eyebrows, and physically tensed while expressing his emotion. Oprah looks more relaxed, better focussed.

The stories did touch me, but that’s it.

Just one last thing. Everyday we have such stories published in newspapers if we read carefully. But when they are packaged well, they make news.

If you read Corporate Dossier (an Economic Times supplement) on Friday, then you would be aware of Happiness @ work column on Page 3. Every Friday there’s a tip to defeat stress and find elusive happiness at work. Most times, I have seen business gurus applying spiritual formulas to seek happiness at work. It’s also true that some of us really enjoy doing what we do. Piyush Pandey of Ogilvy once said in an interview that his biggest achievement has been that he has enjoyed ‘every’ day at work!

That’s the key. Enjoyment. Enjoying the process. Often, what I have seen is that most people are anxious about the result, the outcome, the fruits of labour. It is a constant distraction. Even if you are chasing a result, cut it down into small targets to reduce stress, which will automatically cultivate happiness. Let me cite a few examples. If you watch cricket you know that when a side is chasing a target (easy or stiff), they take it over-by-over. The batsmen at the crease look at the required rate per over, which ensures the focus is on the next six balls, and not the remaining match, whose outcome no one can predict.

Another example that I read some time back and still is afresh in my mind is, when we are driving, let’s say from City A to City B. There is a considerable distance to be covered but our car headlights can only make us see the road 10 meters ahead. If we remain anxious about the rest of the journey, we are befooling ourselves because we cannot see it. Same is with life and work. We can only see the next few minutes but keep thinking about where we will be in next 5 years – which has sadly become a clichéd interview question. Being in the moment and enjoying the process is happiness. Period.

Ambition is good, vision is necessary, result is critical. But they are all in future. What we can solely hold is the present. Needless to say, the result will be great if the task on hand in the present is done with complete justice and concentration. It’s like making a wall. Every brick you put needs to be cemented well, and when you are cementing each brick, don’t think of the wall, focus on that brick and cement it well. That will make a sturdy wall.

But hold your breath for a second. Despite all the criticism, I am finding IPL 5 damn attractive for some reason. Why? After all the scepticism, why do I find myself hooked to the matches late into the nights? I think I found some reasons:

a) India never loses: As ridiculous as it may sound, there is no heartbreak in IPL matches. After witnessing India lose one series after another in 2011, it is heartening to see even the likes of Dada and Indian discards celebrate wins.

b) Sixes: I have grown up in an age of ODI cricket, when Indian cricketers were accepting the fact that it is morally correct to hit the ball in the air. Indian cricket just had been released from the testesque chains of Gavaskar. Tendulkars, Jadejas and Azhars were finally yielding the long handle. So, sixes are still exciting to me.

c) Exciting new Talent: New talents such as Rahane and Aggarwal are exciting to watch. They in fact are doing better than veterans.

d) A cricketing fair: IPL is an international fair of cricketers. It is fun to watch Viru, Pieterson and Jayawardene play in the same team. Only if Gayle was in Daredevils team.

e) New ad campaigns: This might not be reason for many but marketing is bread and butter for me. I can’t help not switching channels when ads play. IPL 5, apart for Tata Docomo, really doesn’t have anything interesting to offer. Vodafone, go take a walk. And on your way back, get zoozoos along.

An End to Suffering is a mix of a travelogue, personal experiences and opinions, Buddha life and philosophy and thoughts of various thinkers of many eras. An End to Suffering, though primarily discussing Buddha’s life and teachings, doesn’t begin with it. I started the book, more curious to absorb Buddha teachings, the all-pervading, nirvana-nearing text that for those moments makes you believe that enlightenment is nearing (in the stark reality that returns and hits you later, you realize you are still bound by desires, pride, ego and tyrannical thoughts). And End to Suffering begins with Mishra (never naming himself like all true modern novelists) making it to Mashorba, a village in the Himalayan region of Himachal Pradesh, where he disconnects himself, mentally and physically from the urban world, to pursue his sole ambition to become a writer. He also carries numerous books with him while staying on a rented accommodation. Apart from his experiences in Mashorba, Mishra moves to and fro talking about his visits to Lumbini (birthplace of the Buddha) with his friends, the fickle political landscape of India, and experiences that sharpened his viewpoints. All these would converge into an unexpected stream of Buddhahood later in his life.

Mishra writes vividly about his visits to Benaras, an ancient holy city on Indo-Gangetic plains, barely 5 miles from Sarnath, where the Buddha attained enlightenment after nine hours of continuous meditation. It is ironical that the Buddha never made a visit to Sarnath which had strong religious currents. The Buddha found himself against the religious currents.

Mishra then goes on to elaborate Buddha philosophy on liberation from human suffering, the attachment to three human causes of suffering – anger, hatred and delusion. Then he unfolds he eightfold noble path of the Buddha and excerpts from various sermons. Later, Mishra compares the Buddha’s teachings with philosophers from other ages such as Nietzsche, Aristotle, Epicurus and other noted historians and writers. It is clear that Mishra has read thousands of Buddhist scriptures to bring forth relevant Buddha sermons and excerpts. In the later part of the book, Mishra also studies and deeply analyzes relevance of the Buddha teachings in the modern world, including Europe and America. He even compares the Buddha and Gandhi – both who practiced great self-awareness and self-control. Those who never let loving-kindness shrink under any circumstances.

Mishra also studies Buddhism of many countries such as Tibet, Japan, Thailand and China.
Besides the Buddhahood, Mishra underlines his own experiences as a writer/reporter in the Kashmir Valley (including one horrifying incident when a policeman openly talks about a massacre), Pakistan and Taliban-controlled Afghanistan. He brings forth the Indian-Muslim relationship in modern India, the compromises of the Indian youth, the modernization of India and the world that has put envy, desires and hatred an everyday emotion.

Mishra proves himself to be quite a historian, narrating the interesting tale of Alexander the Great, Ashoka and Hobbs (the trader from England who first proposed the trade treaty to Jahangir in 1616). The last few chapters focus on the modern civilization with important observations from Mishra’s stays in London and California. The spread of Buddhism in America becomes a topic of interest where he notices Buddhism being moulded to suit the American audience. Mishra’s own attempt at meditation is fickle throughout the novel, including his retreat at a Buddhist Monastery in America where he highlights the rituals of Buddhism, and compares with incomprehensible Sanskrit chants during Hindu rituals.

However, the 404 page long book, is a memoir written by a man who was immensely fascinated by the Buddha, travelled beyond the lines that he ever dreamt of, and realized his dream of being a writer when he had clouds of self-doubt.

An End to Suffering is different from my more recent read on the Buddha named Siddhartha by Herman Hesse which was thinner, and narrates the story of a young Siddhartha who retires to the forest to seek salvation.

I liked An End to Suffering for its Buddha philosophy. The Nietzsche philosophy, talks of Nihilism, Stalinism, Marxism, etc still remain incomprehensible to my naive mind. But then the Buddha was about no-mind!

If we are always conscious of the fact that we can make a choice, we will more often than not react correctly, not lose peace of mind, will be content and be away from the state of delusion. Making a choice is also tricky. We should not let our emotional state or ego make a choice for us. The consciousness has to make a choice, totally free from swaying emotion or worldly ego.

For example, we can make a choice to be not angry in a particular event that has always invoked anger or any other kind of negative emotion in the past. If we are preparing ourselves to be patient for such a situation, we are swelling our depleted consciousness. This will help us be calm when the anger-invoking situation arrives next. It’s true that anger will arise, but we will not be one with that anger. Because we would have chosen not to be angry. We would simply witness that anger rise and fall on its own.

There’s another myth that afflicts the human mind. That every body does not enjoy the same freedom of choice. We cannot be more wrong. We all are born with the same anatomy, with the same cells and atoms, our mechanisms are same. We all have the same freedom of choiceness. If I can choose to be happy, so can you. On the other hand, if I choose to be blinded by a myth, so can you. Yes, those who enjoy being in the sado-masochistic state of self pity will again enjoy arguing about this fact.

The way our world our progressed, it is also true that we often don’t see the right choice. It exists but remains invisible to us. Our conditioned minds fail to see the right choice. It’s only that when we start searching for the right choices, they become more accessible. But for that to happen it is necessary to start burning the conditioned mind, and giving rise to higher level of consciousness. It is particularly difficult in our society where myths rule – such as if you are suffering you are destined to because of your karma. The Buddha rightly said that Karma is NOT action; it is intent.  We can choose to NOT suffer. Nelson Mandela made that choice. Mother Teresa chose to let people know about that choice.

We all know through our own experience that we make the best choices when we are calm and relaxed. That’s because our mind is clear at that time, perhaps, free tor less chained by dogmas and rituals.

If we remember to make the right choice every time we are making a decision, we will lead a far better life. I am.

While I was staying in Gethia in a wonderful B&B called Two Chimneys, I accessed a book from their well-stocked library that was to consumer a major stay of my vacation. An End to Suffering by Pankaj Mishra was a half-travelogue, half-Buddha talks – a topic that has intrigued me far and wide for the past one year. I have to say in hindsight that this was to become my most spiritual and disturbed vacation.

On my way back after two days, we braved a traffic jam in UP where a procession was being carried on the ninth day of the Navaratras. The traffic was blocked and all you could see in the crowd, with due respect to the deity, were ill-behaved youngsters who appeared to be half-drunk. This triggered an interesting conversation with my driver who would later make it a monologue, with some vengeance. When I expressed my thoughts on the cult of babas that have flooded our country in the 20th century, he was quick to argue that babas are the mystics who acquire magical powers and if they misuse them then they are taken away by the god. Having spent a better part of my childhood in small towns of India, this was no surprise to me. I had already heard many tales of life-changing incidents gods and goddesses (and babas and matas) appearing while night-dreaming.

When I argued on the rationale behind his perceptions, he immediately carried on with staggering proofs. There is a certain baba who is always reflected in the water of a certain river, there is a man whose soul has been conquered by a ghost who can take on 50 people at a time, and so on and so forth. All this while I was being intrigued in an unprecedented manner. When I used to hear such stories earlier, I used to pass them. But this time, I was perhaps more intrigued as it coincided with a heavy hangover of An End To Suffering which says that the Buddha never propagated anything extraordinary that was not possible to be performed by an ordinary human being like his follower. In fact, he said to everyone that everyone was a Buddha (which means the enlightened one). They could access their own Buddha self, if they cared to remove the dust that had settled hard and thick on them.

While my mind was full of Buddha philosophy, my driver carried on with self-graduated discourse and solid belief in deities of all kinds. It appeared that he had extensive knowledge of temples, gods and goddesses.

Suddenly I thought of the Bhavagad Gita which terms the world and life as an illusion. The same Bhagavad Gita-abiding man was celebrating illusion (or disillusion?). I asked him the same question that I have asked many hardcore religious people – does worshipping end your suffering? The answers vary from karma of past birth to the inevitable aspect of it, to being punished for sins, also to that they never suffer.

This also made me recall a thought from And End to Suffering which said the Buddha found the four noble truths of Dukha or suffering and formed a noble eightfold path that would free you from suffering. Zen Buddhists practice it, and those who are enlightened, have been liberated from suffering. Even science proves that the brain waves of Zen Buddhists is different from an unenlightened being. I can relate more to this Buddha philosophy because I have been the closest to it. It has empowered my awareness and brought me to higher levels of consciousness. My yearning to seek the truth is inflamed. I have come to believe that the eternal truth lies deep within us, and that our own truth possesses stronger and further lasting blessing.

Meditation is the most difficult task for me. I may clear the sky of my mind for two minutes but then the clouds of thoughts appear again, and if I am aware, then I let them pass and focus on the clear skies. I have been meditating better ever since I have been practising the state of awareness in my non-meditating time. This has also led me to believe that there is definitely a non-illusionary truth that is housed in us, and the nature of this truth does not call for awe and applause. If I ever get to that truth, I know that it will be self-pervading. What is stronger than the man’s own will?

In the past three days, I concluded one argument that cannot change. India is not a spiritual land, as it is positioned in the west; it is a religious land. The spirit of religion is palpable. According to legend, when the Buddha attained enlightenment, he was asked to share his wisdom with people of the world to which he said: “I am against the current.”

From the scene, it appeared that the Wagon R driver blocked the Audi’s gentleman’s way; in the scene of events no car or life was damaged. But the Audi gentleman was hellbent on accusing the Wagon R driver for having sex with every possible female relative that was in his immediate and extended family. When the Audi gentleman almost neared the Wagon R driver, who did not utter a word and remained tightlipped in his diminutive machine, the guards from the parking, interrupted, trying to pacify the enraged Q7 driver. Now fully aware of the fact that he had managed to petrify everyone and exerted his power publically, he went towards the Q7, sat with some authority, and drove away, again accusing the Wagon R driver with fresh summons of familial sex.

In another instance that I witnessed a few years back was when two drivers, one in a Mercedes and another in a luxury Sedan, quarrelled, when neither was willing to give space when exiting from a parking exit. This lead to a violent fight amongst the two when one enraged driver punched the other, in the process, inviting a few lusty blows on his own face.

Such instances compel me to think what if I face a situation when another enraged driver gets on to me full-throttle. I do not believe in fighting over ego that we carry behind the wheel, or even losing calm over a scratch on the car. It’s fruitless to blame the other, because no one intends to have an accident. I have been driving for about a decade in Delhi, and 2-3 instances when I’ve accidently brushed with another car, I have often apologised, and also once, paid in cash, when I felt I was inattentive. On one occasion, another driver offered to get my car fixed when he bumped from behind.

There have been reports of people being beaten to death in road rage incidents. People with false sense of power who carry frustrations often get carried away. I wonder if we need stricter laws to cease this infectious disease that can victimize anyone of us. No one seems to be scared of beating any one roads.

What has put India on the proverbial world map is not just yoga and spiritual gurus, but the rich and famous (also the intelligent and not so famous, in far less proportions) who through effective PR, have donned the covers and interiors of business magazines, and unabashedly invaded global electronic media. The real estate boom, a surging private sector and large youth population has made this generation very different from the earlier one. My father and mother for instance, never ate our more than once in a fortnight, were measured in their spends on movie theatres, and vacations (anywhere) were a luxury. Visiting five star hotels was a luxurious tale that called for narration to enviable friends, neighbours and relatives.

Things have changed now. My generation does all of that without any second thought. They dream of travelling to exotic destinations and realistically aspire to drive luxury sedans (and many of them are already doing that). But I am talking of the lower crust here – whose aspirations precede their real purchasing power.

There’s a crest above the middle class households. The upper crest. They are the ones who own islands, jets, Lamborghinis, and treat millions of dollars as disposable loose change. We can also call them superrich. There are two kinds of superrich. One who inherited billions and are multiplying them at ridiculous rate (Ambanis, Mahindras, Tatas) and those who have been the children of post-liberalisation India (Murthys, Mittals, KP Singh). There are countless of them, who are at the upper end of the commercial crust.

These two categories can be called Old Money and New Money. Old Money stays in a mansion in the most posh area; New Money is in a penthouse. Old Money has been connected to politicians for two generations; New Money is still making inroads but knows how to influence the rich and famous. Old Money misbehaves at will. It has the confidence to get away with any act of crime and corruption; New Money is the agent of change, and is less careless with acts that bring success through short cuts. Old Money is recklessly rich and does not really work for the welfare of its stakeholders; New Money believes in rising together. Old Money is slow in creating opportunities; New Money is entrepreneurial. Old Money, though rich, expects many comforts to come gratis; New Money takes pride in paying for every lump of dough it consumes.

Old Money doesn’t really like New Money. New Money is making Old Money look lesser elite. If there were two jet owners three decades back, now there are 200. New Money finds Old Money still trapped in their traditional and somewhat outdated business practices. Old Money finds New Money like a big fat bubble which is a child of ecosystem. Old Money still owns acres of land and their connections are deep-rooted. New Money envies the muscle that Old Money has built over the ages. New Money is daring, tenacious and tough to break. Old Money is armed with confidence and sits conveniently in the thick walls of comfort.

But both Old Money and Old Money bathe in luxury. New Money might be on Forbes List, but Old Money would be more sceptical putting all on display. New Money finds that hypocritical. Old Money believes that’s the way it is done.

Whatever be the case, Old Money and New Money are the Pandavas and Kauravas. They crave for the same kingdom, but don’t battle. They believe in ruling together.

Sujoy Ghosh, whose last hit, Jhankaar Beats, was made years back, has hit back hard with Kahaani. The screenplay is magnificent, supported with good cast that includes quite a few Bangla actors. The script is well written but has minor flaws. Like when Vidya is searching for her husband, the police doesn’t check for his existence, or any kind of formal documents. That’s ridiculous, more so, because the film tries to make sense of every other minute detail. Had it been another regular Indian film, I would have ruled it out, but Kahaani tries to exude intelligence.

The best thing about Kahaani before it gives the suspense away (the last few minutes are superfluous, interrupting a beautiful momentum) is that it moves closer to finding Vidya’s missing husband with every frame, and keeps the interest of audience intact. It’s that kind of film where you don’t want to even move during the interval, as you don’t want to miss the action.

If you have watched many thrillers, you will find Kahaani good but not good enough. If thrillers are not your staple, it may pass as an exciting watch. If not for this, watch Kahaani for Vidya Balan – that certainly would not disappoint you.