I can still remember how as a kid I was asked to think a lot, think before I speak, think before I take up a task, think enough to score well, think about my career, think about what I eat, etc, etc. The fact is I am/was not alone. Right from the moment we are born we are conditioned to think; it’s an obligation to the most important tool we are born with: the brain/mind. ‘I think therefore I am’ is a formula everyone lives by and unfortunately falls to. We live in an age where if we don’t think enough, we develop an inferiority complex that we are lagging behind in the race.

Thinking is not bad. The fact is we can’t survive without it. The very fact that I am able to pen this article down (not literally; I am typing) is because I am able to think. There are three questions:

a) How much should one think? It’s different for all of us but there are alarming similarities in the urban population. The chronic problem is we think too much. There are apparently more than a thousand thoughts that strike our mind in less than a minute. And we can think of quite a few things from food to travel to the noise outside on the road.

In my opinion, one should be measurable in his/her thinking. Now that’s a very difficult task. Yogis attain controlled thinking, or as they say, the highest state of consciousness, after years of dedicated practice. So, how can we, the urban parasites, do that when we are perennially distracted and get swayed with emotions as easy as the grain of sand would with a slight movement of air.

It’s simple. We need practice too. For example, a simple reminder every morning the moment we wake up, that we will control our thoughts today, can make some difference. Another technique, even if sounds funny, is to put hourly reminders on your phone throughout the day with a simple message ‘Control your mind.’ It will irritate you first but you will be amazed by the results that come your way.

Most importantly, we should not aim to be a yogi. Keep it real. You will get one with a negative emotion at times. Let it be. But be aware that you are getting one. You would still be angry/sad/annoyed but you would have seen that first light (albeit dim) of consciousness. With practice, we will be able to be still when angry, peaceful when depressed, joyful when disappointed. As Buddha said, Nothing is Permanent. So are the difficult moments of life.

Measured thinking will come with practice. To begin with, every little effort is taking us towards a big change.

b) When should one think? That’s another problem. We can’t stop thinking most times. When we are at work and doing a task, we will think about hundreds of other things. When we are driving home from work, in a drive of 30 minutes we would have encountered hundreds of thousands irrelevant thoughts of past and future. It’s hard for us to meditate on the task at hand. Yes, I said, ‘meditate’ because that word does justice to our single-mindedness or mindfulness. Let me also put this way, there may be quite a few things that totally absorb you. For a dancer, his dance is meditation. For a singer, his dance is meditation. For a writer, his writing is meditation. For an artist, his painting is meditation. For all of us, orgasm is meditation too, when we totally channelize our energy to one single point.

Mindfulness of the task in hand is meditation. That means being in a state of mindfulness (or even mindlessness). These are the times when thinking is not required. Often, thoughts that strike us while we are carrying out tasks that we are programmed to do (like driving, having a bath, having food) are of past or future and unpleasant. Now replace these activities such as driving a car to driving an aircraft for the first time; having a bath to stepping into pool for the first time; having food by hand to using chopsticks for the first time. We can’t think of anything else, because these new tasks need our attention and focus. Then as we gain expertise, our brain starts multitasking because it finds some space. That’s when we create room for thoughts – which could be stressful.

Mindfulness of the task at hand is the only way to avoid thinking when it is not required. Zen monks are aware of every movement that they make, right from feeling their toes touch the ground at every step! Be Alert – that was the ultimate message of the Buddha.

Would meditation help us? Yes, only if done mindfully! My advise is to start with guided meditation, so that you train your mind before you take it upon yourself. You can download free guided meditations from Apple itunes. There are many useful ones. Email me if you need any. I would only be happy to help.

c) What should one think about? It has a simple one line answer. Think positive. Eliminate negative thoughts.
What’s positive? All thoughts that evoke happiness, joy, excitement, compassion, peace, relaxation are positive. On the other hand, all thoughts that evoke anxiety, sadness, annoyance, irritation, anger are negative.

Secondly, we need to know what we are thinking about is actually under our control? For example, you may think of a past event that evokes anger in you. That’s an irrelevant thought beyond our control. Eliminate it immediately without causing a conflict inside you. Tell yourself, it is past, it has already happened, I need to forgive the event, person and myself. Let it rest in peace. Release the agony of that even in one forceful exhale, if you want.

Don’t think about future. Like a good entrepreneur, who writes a business plan and gets back to execution, just write down your future objectives, and focus on the present because that’s all you have. Living in the now is the best way to get rid of the tyranny of thoughts.

In the end, we have to realize that thoughts are totally in our control. We are the command centre for all thoughts that further define the emotional state of our being.

I have always maintained that selfishness is not a vice if you understand what it means. Selfishness certainly does not mean harming someone else to create a win for yourself. That’s called ‘cheating’ or ‘manipulation’. Selfishness is committing an act for your own benefit independent of the external people and factors. If it harms someone that may be a by-product of the act but not intentional or foreseen. The truth is that without being selfish you cannot achieve anything, yes, anything. For example, a candidate who makes it to a top B-School has edged out another worthy candidate. Has he harmed him? No. Should the candidate feel sad that there is another person who lost out because he made it? No. Without being selfish, you cannot even cure your fever, you cannot remain healthy, you cannot achieve success, earn money or even have a peaceful life.

Self before everyone else is a virtue in every way possible. You are the one and only one responsible for your own happiness and health. Yes, only you. Not your family, friends or partner. And I totally disagree those who blame others for their sickness, sadness or pitiful state. They perhaps don’t understand that only they are responsible for their own miseries. Moreover, they don’t realize that only they can heal themselves. No messiah is going to leap from a temple and miraculously cure them. If there’s god, it’s within you.

Such attitude is also understandable. Most of us are afraid to take our own responsibility. We are afraid of being without support. I remember I had a friend who used to pester me to accompany him for a run in the morning. I always used to go in the evenings. He would always insist that I accompany him in the morning. When I asked him why can’t he go alone like I do in the evening or come with me in the evening, he argued that he can’t go alone, and since I don’t go with him he is gaining weight. Unbelievable, but true. He was afraid to go alone and run, he wanted a moral and emotional support. To add to that, he wanted to blame for his weight gain. Till today, he doesn’t go for a run because he has some excuse or the other.

By taking responsibility of our own actions, we change ourselves for good. Traveling within is the first step towards a positive change. What do others have to do with our behaviour? Nothing. By constantly reminding ourselves that only we are responsible for our actions and state, we can understand how selfishness can come good for us.

I have come across a lot of people who make comment on others like ‘he only thinks about himself and his own good?’ the truth is that more often than not they’ll say it because they did not get any attention from that specific person. Why would that person owe attention to them! He would not have done any wrong to them, but they will say that because they have mental sickness. The selfish person is happy and healthy. He is living a fundamentally optimum and karmic life. He does not have any ill feeling for anyone, and he is not doing anything to harm them. A common example is a girlfriend nagging a boyfriend that he doesn’t find time for her. That makes him selfish because he puts his work before her, or worse his evening swim before her. What’s wrong with that? Has he harmed her or her expectations or need for attention has harmed her? If he works, he is ambitious, if he swims then he is maintaining good health. He needs a holistic life. He is selfish for his own good.

We live in a world where we are judges. A perfectly selfish person is not someone who would see a dying man die. He would help him just as much as any one else would. But every situation in life is not a matter of life and death, which we tend to make of it.

If you want to live perfectly, take care of yourself first. Once I read somewhere, ‘the best way to help a poor is not being one’. Is that selfishness? If we all take care and responsibility of ourselves, there won’t be any sickness in the world. And if we are healthy and happy, we will only end up spreading that around us.

Living for yourself is necessary and we need to do that. That does not mean harming others at all. If you live for yourself in the purest manner, you will automatically be helping others. The purest souls live for themselves by helping others when they only live for themselves. Confused? People like Mother Teresa, who gave up material pleasures, found pleasure only in serving humanity. She was serving humanity because she found pleasure in that. That humans were benefitting from it was an affect.

I began with meditation as a way to fight stress, with the single objective of seeking benefits through it. It was almost like what I expected from medication. That you take a pill, and your fever goes down, or you find relief from your sore throat. Meditation however was nothing like that, simply because, I realized that meditation was not as simple as swallowing a pill (with the exception of my mother who still can’t swallow the smallest of pills). Meditation was a hard act to follow. For a millennium generation guy like me, it was hard to have a straight back, relaxed muscles, state of no thinking and continuous focus on breath. God! Breaking a client deal sounded like a walk in the park in comparison! Meditation to begin with was like punishment I had to take because I wanted to relax myself. Fortunately for me, I am born with a trait called ‘perseverance’ and like to grind myself to master anything that fascinates me. It worked and did not work in case of meditation. You cannot force yourself to meditate. Yes, you can make an effort, and with each effort, you take a small step forward. My biggest folly in the beginning was thinking about results than being meditative while meditating. Finding a quiet room and cross-legged posture was not just enough!

The real change began when I started to understand meditation. Despite a few suggestions, I always refrained from joining a meditation community. I have always been a bit of loner than a commune person. I have always preferred running to gymming, reading book in solitude to watching movies in a theatre, and meditating had to follow the same pattern. So, how did I understand meditation? In the beginning, I did a simple Google search, heard what spiritual gurus had to say about meditation and techniques. Since it was difficult for me to do all by myself (my mind used to waver too much while I tried to focus on breath), I downloaded podcasts of guided meditation. It worked wonders for me. There were specifically two which I practiced many times in the beginning. One was from the Meditation Society of Australia and the other one was from Deepak Chopra. I also meditated on positive affirmations. Yes, it was all rewarding, but these meditations were basically diversions of mind like prayers or chanting. That was not the purest form of meditation but a start nonetheless.

After practising guided meditations for a few months, I decided to get down to pure breath meditation. Frankly speaking, there was no motivation to do it and when I used to do it, I would always get up telling myself “it did not go well. I was thinking too much.” One thing I realized with breath meditation was that I was doing it better in the night/late evenings than mornings. That could be because in the morning there were more thoughts, distractions, and probably a few things waiting to happen like office, phone calls, etc. Evenings were better but not regular. I also realized one thing that it was the quality of meditation that I needed to master than quantity. Even 5 minutes of silence out of 20 minutes of seating was an achievement and I felt better and relaxed. I also wondered at that time what many masters mean when they said that they could meditate all the time, even while working! Honestly, I do not understand that wholly even now but have discovered one word ‘Consciousness’ that helps one being ‘meditative’ all the time!

In the beginning, there were days when meditation went well and there were disastrous days, when I could not even take mind off for a moment. It was frustrating also at times because when you used to think that you are getting closer, the next day brought you to the ground. It was not like building stamina while running where you could successfully add a few extra yards every day (I have been a medium distance runner for years and perhaps understand running better than meditation). It was many ups and downs. I felt better when I accepted that there could be bad days, and I’ll have to take them in my stride. Another thing was never to miss a meditation session, even I was hungry, sleepy, busy or stressed.

Meditation seemed very pretty when I could feel my breath going deep inside and then coming out with a sigh. It was heaven. Having agnostic beliefs all my life, I started to believe that I was interacting with the god within when I was in the deepest state of consciousness. On the other hand, there were days when I could not focus on breath even when I was consciously trying to. There used to be some song playing in my unconscious mind. On such days, I used to do imagery meditation. It was more like self-guided meditation, a useful alternative to breath meditation.

The turning point in meditation came a few weeks ago when I read How to Meditate by Eric Harrison. It was an eye opener, a genuine guide to meditation that delved into the scientific and spiritual dimensions of meditation, stress and related disorders. Since then, I must admit that I have found meditation easy and relaxing. I have been able to make changes to my lifestyle (they’ve been tough but rewarding) which is necessary if you want to meditate successfully. Meditation does not mean 20 minutes of observing silence and once you are done, you get back to your manic schedule. If you bring meditative aspects to your way of living you experience a transition in your mental and physical formations. They would be hard, there would be a conflict between the old and new you, which may confuse people around you since your behaviour/reaction could be purely the old you, the new you, or a mix. The transition through spirituality is a long and winding process. It takes away a lot of conditioned you, but gives you peace in return. If I may quote Osho, a state of no mind. Far away from the center of desires and attachments towards the ozone of connection with your innermost.

A few days ago one of my friends remarked that spirituality was a passing phase in his life, a fascination that came and went away. When I asked him if he ever did breath meditation during that phase he said a firm no. I knew there lied the problem. You can read on fitness but if you do not exercise, you cannot expect fruits. If you meditate, you experience spirituality. It does not work the other way round.

Before I get too preachy, I must confess that I am still a beginner. After a year of dabbling with meditation, I have started enjoying it, and I do not crave for the Himalayas. Life is more beautiful than ever for me, money less important ever, love for all a mantra to live by, and joy in everything. I still have moments of my old me, but the new me is getting stricter and bigger 
Peace for all

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